Growing up with a parent who struggles with alcohol can leave a lasting mark on a person’s mental health. There are an estimated 26.8 million children of alcoholics in the United States, about 11 million of them under 18. Many carry the effects of that environment well into adulthood — often in the form of anxiety, depression, trauma, and difficulty with relationships.
If you recognize yourself in this, you’re not alone, and support is available. Read on to understand the experience of adult children of alcoholics and the treatment options that can help.
Please note: Southern California Sunrise Recovery Center offers residential mental health treatment, including dual diagnosis care for stable co-occurring substance use. We do not provide detox or addiction (SUD) treatment, but if that’s what you need, our team can refer you to a trusted provider. Call (844) 563-2563 to talk through your options.
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Southern California Sunrise Recovery Center provides residential mental health and dual diagnosis care for stable co-occurring substance use. We don’t offer medical detox or supervision for active addiction, but we’re glad to refer you to a trusted provider.
The Term “Adult Children of Alcoholics”
The term “Adult Children” describes adults raised in alcoholic homes — adults who show characteristics shaped by experiencing abuse, neglect, or instability in childhood.
Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics
Here are some common signs of an adult child of an alcoholic (ACoA):
Prefers Isolation
ACoAs often have to guess how to respond in a given situation, because they didn’t grow up with a model of what a balanced response looks like. This can leave them feeling different or estranged from others and make it hard to build and maintain relationships, sometimes leading them to withdraw and isolate.
Difficulty Establishing a Sense of Normalcy
Growing up around alcohol use can normalize it, so an ACoA may absorb that as their baseline. As they interact with others, they begin to realize their experience wasn’t typical, which can leave them confused about what “normal” should look like.
Difficulty in Romantic Relationships
When a parent repeatedly breaks promises or fails to follow through, a child can develop deep trust issues. As adults, ACoAs may struggle in romantic relationships, feel suspicious of partners, or avoid closeness altogether.
Victim Mentality
ACoAs may find it hard to recognize the role their own choices play in their lives, sometimes framing decisions as reactions to what others did. Because self-reflection can be difficult, patterns may repeat.
Seeking Approval From Others
When a parent is irritable or volatile, children often learn to do whatever it takes to keep the peace. Over time, this can become a habit of constantly seeking approval and people-pleasing. Having grown up feeling neglected, ACoAs may look to others for the affirmation they didn’t receive, and take negative feedback especially hard.
Co-Occurring Substance Use
Because alcohol use was normalized in their environment, some ACoAs begin drinking themselves — whether due to genetics, difficulty coping with stress, or learned behavior. When co-occurring substance use develops alongside a mental health condition, integrated treatment that addresses both together tends to be most effective.
Other common traits of adult children of alcoholics include:
- Difficulty with psychosocial adjustment
- Extreme self-sufficiency
- Fear of abandonment
- Fear of anger or conflict
- Lying when it would be just as easy to tell the truth
- Harsh self-judgment
- Difficulty having fun
- Overreacting to change
- Being either over-responsible or under-responsible
- Intense loyalty
- Acting impulsively without considering alternatives
- Self-loathing
- Persistent loneliness
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Low self-esteem
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
These characteristics are general and don’t apply to everyone — in some cases, only a few may fit.
Coping Habits of ACoAs
Without healthy models growing up, ACoAs may lack constructive coping skills. They might withdraw from stressful situations, daydream, sleep, deny reality, or use substances to escape. Left unaddressed, these patterns can contribute to depression and other mental health concerns.
Seeking Help
If you’re an adult child of an alcoholic, building a support system can make a real difference. Knowing you’re not alone can ease the feeling of being “abnormal.”
Understanding the nature of alcohol addiction can also help. It’s important to recognize that you had nothing to do with your parent’s drinking — you aren’t at fault — and to give yourself credit for the strength it took to grow up amid those circumstances.
Psychotherapy can help you understand how a parent’s alcoholism affected you and the choices you make, and support your overall mental health. For example:
- Forgiveness therapy addresses lingering resentment and encourages a more positive perspective, helping ACoAs experience a sense of psychological release.
- Conflict resolution work teaches constructive ways to handle problems and to express feelings and needs — something many ACoAs find difficult.
For adults whose symptoms — such as depression, anxiety, trauma, or PTSD — are severe, persistent, or hard to manage on their own, residential mental health treatment offers structured, around-the-clock support and evidence-based therapy in one place.
Moving Forward
You can outgrow the negative effects of having a parent who struggled with alcohol — and you don’t have to do it alone.
Here at Southern California Sunrise Recovery Center, we provide residential mental health treatment for the conditions adult children of alcoholics often carry, including depression, anxiety, and trauma-related disorders, along with dual diagnosis care for stable co-occurring substance use. If you or a loved one needs detox or dedicated addiction treatment, we’re glad to refer you to a trusted provider.
Contact us today or call (844) 563-2563, and let us help in any way we can.
