Medically reviewed by Andrew Crawford, Registered Psychological Associate.
Last updated: May 21, 2026
Time to read: ~15 minutes
Splitting is a term used to describe that people with borderline personality disorder are much more likely than other people to have brief psychotic episodes.
This is because those with Borderline Personality Disorder often have a tendency for “splitting” – viewing others in terms of all good or all bad.
In essence, splitting means that someone suffering from BPD may see their therapist as perfect and excellent one moment and as a bad person the next. This can be very confusing for casual observers of BPD.
To learn what splitting is like from the point-of-view of someone who suffers from splitting in borderline personality disorder (BPD), continue reading.
If you are struggling with “splitting,” residential treatment for BPD can help you understand the condition and cope with the challenges faced.
What Is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)?
Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD is a mental disorder characterized by patterns of mood, behavior, interpersonal relationships, and self-image. These characteristics often create impulsive behaviors and cause problems in relationships.
The illness typically includes periods of escalating symptoms followed by periods of remission.
Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
The overall characteristic of BPD involves how you behave, how you feel about yourself, and how you relate to others.
Other signs and symptoms of BPD include:
- Extreme fear of abandonment
- Unstable and intense relationships
- Prompt changes in self-image or self-identity
- Self-related paranoia or lost connection with reality
- Feelings of emptiness
- Suicidal ideations
- Impulsive or risky behavior
Take our BPD self-test as a starting point if you are trying to determine whether yourself or a loved one has BPD. This should not be taken as healthcare advice, just a conversation starter for a doctor or psychological diagnostics professional.
Splitting in BPD
In general, individuals with splitting in borderline personality disorder can either see themselves in a very positive way or in a very negative way. They can also view things in an all-or-nothing, black and white mentality.
They may see themselves as a brilliant person that others can’t measure up to, or they may see themselves as a terrible person who doesn’t deserve love from anyone at all times.
During splitting in borderline personality disorder, these people often hear voices telling them that they don’t belong here or are some type of evil person. For whatever reason, splitting in borderline personality disorder is much more common among women than among men.
Typical symptoms of splitting in BPD include:
- Acting out regardless of consequences
- Denial or consciously ignoring reality
- Emotional hypochondriasis or trying to get other people to realize what you’re going through
- Projecting emotions onto others
- Being passive-aggressive
- Believe you are superior compared to others
In some cases, people have been known to attempt suicide to cope with splitting in borderline personality disorder or splitting within BPD.
Cause and Effect of Splitting
In most cases, splitting in borderline personality disorder is not the result of any single factor. Some researchers have hypothesized that splitting in borderline personality disorder may be connected to genetics or environmental factors, such as child abuse.
Others believe splitting in borderline personality disorder may be related to chemical imbalances within the brain.
Splitting eventually interferes with an individual’s relationships and leads to intense self-destructive behaviors.
People with splitting behaviors will also frame a person with no common ground. For example, an individual with splitting BPD sees others either to be an angel or downright evil or view them as not a risk or a complete con.
BPD Splitting Examples
Splitting can be difficult to recognize from the outside, partly because the shifts can happen suddenly and feel completely real to the person experiencing them. Seeing concrete examples of how splitting shows up in everyday life can help families, partners, and individuals with BPD identify the pattern earlier, which is often the first step toward getting effective treatment.
According to the American Psychiatric Association, splitting is an unconscious defense mechanism, not a deliberate choice. The examples below illustrate how it tends to appear across relationships, work, self-image, and treatment settings.
1. The “Soulmate to Stranger” Shift in Romantic Relationships
This is the most commonly recognized form of splitting. A person with BPD may describe their partner as the perfect match (attentive, loving, and uniquely understanding) for weeks or months. Then a single perceived slight, such as a delayed text response or a forgotten plan, can trigger a complete reversal. The same partner is suddenly viewed as cold, uncaring, or even cruel, with their previous positive qualities feeling unreachable or fake.
Clinicians at the Cleveland Clinic note that this idealization-to-devaluation cycle is one of the core diagnostic features of BPD under the DSM-5 framework. It is not manipulation. The shift in perception genuinely feels like the truth in the moment.
2. Viewing a Therapist as “The Only One Who Gets Me,” Then as Incompetent
Splitting often appears in treatment relationships, which is one reason BPD requires therapists with specialized training. Early in care, a person with BPD may idealize their therapist, sharing more openly with them than with anyone else and crediting them with rapid breakthroughs. After a missed session, a vacation, or a piece of difficult feedback, that same therapist may be re-cast as unqualified, dismissive, or harmful.
Research published in the Journal of Personality Disorders found that this dynamic is one reason dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and mentalization-based therapy (MBT) emphasize a stable, consistent therapeutic relationship as a foundation for treating BPD. The goal is to help the person experience that one disappointment does not erase the entire relationship.
3. Self-Splitting: “I’m a Good Person” vs. “I’m Worthless”
Splitting is not only directed outward. People with BPD often apply the same all-or-nothing lens to themselves. After accomplishing something at work or hearing a compliment, they may genuinely feel they are competent, lovable, and on the right track. After a single mistake, such as sending the wrong email, getting a critical comment, or feeling rejected by a friend, that self-image can collapse into “I’m a failure” or “I’m fundamentally bad.”
This pattern is closely linked to the unstable sense of self that the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) identifies as a core feature of borderline personality disorder, and it is often a driver of impulsive or self-destructive behaviors.
4. The Family Member Who Can “Do No Wrong,” Until They Do
Splitting can divide family systems. A person with BPD may have one parent, sibling, or relative they currently view as supportive, fair, and trustworthy, while another family member is seen as the source of all their problems. These roles can flip without warning. The “good” relative may say something that feels invalidating, and within hours they become the “bad” one, while the previously rejected family member is now welcomed back into trust.
For families navigating this dynamic, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) recommends learning not to take the shifts personally and not to mirror the splitting by taking sides. Family-focused approaches like Family Connections (developed by the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder) teach skills for staying steady through these reversals.
5. Black-and-White Thinking at Work
Splitting frequently shows up in workplace settings, where it can affect job stability. A person with BPD might describe a new job as the perfect fit, with a supportive boss, ideal team, and meaningful work, only to flip to “I have to quit immediately” after one piece of negative feedback or a single conflict with a coworker. The middle ground (a generally good job that occasionally has hard moments) can be genuinely difficult to access during a splitting episode.
This is why DBT, one of the most evidence-supported treatments for BPD, dedicates significant time to teaching “dialectical thinking.” That’s the skill of holding two seemingly opposite things as true at the same time, such as “my boss is supportive AND gave me feedback I didn’t want to hear.”
6. Splitting in Crisis Moments
Sometimes splitting intensifies during acute distress. Someone in a difficult moment may view the people around them in stark categories: those who are “saving” them and those who are “abandoning” them. A loved one who sets a reasonable limit can be experienced as cruel, while a relative stranger who offers kindness in the same moment may be elevated to a rescuer role.
In these moments, what looks from the outside like rapidly shifting alliances is, internally, the brain’s attempt to organize overwhelming emotion into a coherent (if oversimplified) story. Stabilization-focused care, including residential and PHP-level treatment for BPD, can help interrupt this cycle by providing a consistent, structured environment where the same staff remain steady through the shifts.
A Note on Recognizing Splitting
It’s worth emphasizing what splitting is not. It is not lying, manipulation, or attention-seeking. As researchers have documented in the American Journal of Psychiatry, splitting is an unconscious defense mechanism that develops, in many cases, as a way of managing overwhelming emotion in childhood and persists into adulthood when emotion regulation skills haven’t fully developed.
The good news is that splitting responds well to treatment. Evidence-based therapies, particularly DBT, mentalization-based therapy, and schema-focused therapy, are specifically designed to help people develop the ability to hold complexity, tolerate ambiguity, and build more stable relationships with others and themselves.
How to Treat BPD
Treatment for BPD typically includes the utilization of psychotherapy and medication-based therapy. Our mental health treatment center takes advantage of talk therapy during an individual treatment program.
Examples include dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT).
DBT is among the most effective ways to treat BPD. Patients learn several valuable life skills to manage and cope with their intense emotional symptoms.
Similarly, CBT helps to positively alter how an individual behaves, feels, and thinks. One of the most critical factors in using CBT for borderline personality disorder is the willingness of the individual to change.
While every person’s situation is different, individuals can see really positive results if the appropriate combination is issued. In some cases, short periods of hospitalization may be necessary for the individual.
Southern California Sunrise is Here for You
At Southern California Sunrise Mental Health, we understand the hesitation when getting treatment. Telling others what you’re going through can be daunting, but we are here to help.
Splitting can be a scary symptom to feel. Fortunately, we have created a treatment plan to help you or a loved ones borderline personality disorder get better. Our team of experienced therapists is prepared to do everything in their power to see that you get the help you need.
A new life is only a phone call away; call Southern California Sunrise Recovery Center today.
References
American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 5th ed., text revision. American Psychiatric Association Publishing; 2022.
Cleveland Clinic. Borderline personality disorder (BPD). Cleveland Clinic. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9762-borderline-personality-disorder-bpd. Accessed May 21, 2026.
Zanarini MC, Frankenburg FR, Fitzmaurice G. Defense mechanisms reported by patients with borderline personality disorder and axis II comparison subjects over 16 years of prospective follow-up: description and prediction of recovery. Am J Psychiatry. 2013;170(1):111-120. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2012.12020173
National Institute of Mental Health. Borderline personality disorder. National Institutes of Health. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder. Accessed May 21, 2026.
National Alliance on Mental Illness. Borderline personality disorder. NAMI. https://www.nami.org/about-mental-illness/mental-health-conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/. Accessed May 21, 2026.
National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder. Family Connections. NEABPD. https://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org/family-connections/. Accessed May 21, 2026.
Linehan MM. DBT Skills Training Manual. 2nd ed. Guilford Press; 2015.
Perry JC, Presniak MD, Olson TR. Defense mechanisms in schizotypal, borderline, antisocial, and narcissistic personality disorders. Psychiatry. 2013;76(1):32-52. doi:10.1521/psyc.2013.76.1.32
